Purpose

The farther the distance gets between his death and the present, the more I seem to be confused about my future. I'm having trouble defining my purpose in life, now that my original purpose—living my life with Dennis—has gone by the wayside. I'm still floundering around. I may have mentioned briefly in another post that I'm currently a juror on a lengthy trial (that's about all I can say since I'm not supposed to talk about it, so my comment is very generic) and it's really interfering with my social life. Being in court four days a week, working on Friday (and putting in some Saturdays too), trying to reserve my Saturday time so I can play 9-ball, which leaves Sunday as the day to be social. But I'm busy with chores on Sunday. And it's also "March Madness" time, of which I am a huge fan, though admittedly, it's not as much fun watching without Dennis being by my side as the upsets occur. This is the second year in a row and it's not as depressing as last year, so I know I'm making progress. But I just can't figure out my purpose. I'm tired all the time lately as the trial is very draining. I've never really dated much in my life, so I don't know where that stands. One thing I do know: I am not ready nor am I looking for a new relationship. I do need companionship, whether that leads to or contains a sexual element is to be determined. I can't make any plans until the trial is over, and the end is nowhere in sight. This is a short entry but I needed to get these thoughts down; it generally stimulates me and makes me think.