After effects

Mom in August 2008

I just got back last evening, coming home from Mom's funeral and four days in Michigan with family. I'm still trying to figure out my reaction to Mom's death. It's totally different from my feelings and grief over the passing of Dennis. Mom died Monday September 12 and I have yet to cry. I've gotten the sniffles a few times and my eyes have teared up, but no "real" crying has occurred. In fact, I was the steadfast "rock" of the family this week. It probably boils down to the fact that I have never been fond of funerals and all their ceremony—the open casket "viewing" night, all the comments people make, like "doesn't she look good," "she looks like she's sleeping," etc. I mean, come on. How ridiculous! That earth suit in the casket is by no means my Mom. She never wore that much make up in her life while here, so why is it they do it when she's gone? Wednesday evening was the "viewing" night; numerous friends and relatives showed up. I actually enjoyed myself while visiting with people I had not seen in literally years. I was given the task of sorting through a large box of photographs and picking out the ones we used for two photo boards (provided by the funeral home). I had a blast going through those photos, choosing a variety of activities that Mom had participated in throughout her lifetime. I even came across one where she had dressed up for Halloween! None of us siblings had ever seen the photos before; I chose the one where she was "posing" instead of just standing there in her costume—a clownish type outfit, including hat and makeup. It was hilarious; I literally screamed like a little schoolgirl when I saw it. "Look at this photo I just found," I yelled out. We all burst into uncontrollable laughter and all agreed that I would use that as one of the photos. I'll post the photos of the photoboards as soon as my brother forwards them to me (he had taken shots with his cell phone so he could send them to his two kids back in Washington state). I centered large 8x10 photos of Mom in the middle of the boards then surrounded each photo with the smaller photos. Both boards were enjoyed by everyone who came to the viewing, as well as the luncheon we had after the funeral.

Mom was a member of the Catholic church (why so, I cannot figure out), so she had wanted to have a funeral mass provided by St. Francis Church in Traverse City. The booklet had the poem I brought with me on the cover, which brought a smile to my face. It was the poem I've posted in a previous article on this blog; I had received it during my sessions with the grief group. The only other highlight of the church ceremony was the narrative that the priest wove from material we provided about Mom. He actually did a very nice job with that part, as he talked about her life. The rest of the Catholic crap was a big thumbs down as far as I was concerned. While the rest of the family was crying their eyes out, I was putting my arms on their shoulders to comfort them, while I remained dry-eyed. It's not that I wasn't sad; to me, Mom passed the way a lot of people do—late in life (she was 86). It was an entirely different scenario from when Dennis died. He was a part of my everyday life, whereas Mom was part of my life, but not on a daily basis. Big difference.

I loved you Mom; you taught all of us valuable life lessons, and I appreciate all you did for me while you were here.