A visit with the families

Continuing my tale during my visit to Michigan, on Wednesday July 13, I drove from Sandie's to Traverse City in the northern part of the state to visit my family as well.  I arrived about 2:30pm, called Mom's house and my brother Bud answered. "Where are you?"

"I'm at Mom's old trailer, because I knew how to get here. I don't know where her new place is since she moved into the assisted living center. Come on over and I'll follow you back. See you in a few minutes."

A couple of minutes later, Bud drove up in his truck, I hugged him through the window, then followed him to Mom's new place. It's a good thing I did it this way because I thought she was further down the road to the right of her old place, but it turned out she was just across the street and to the left. In addition to seeing Bud, his youngest son Bill was also waiting at Mom's. I had a nice visit getting caught up with them. They left about an hour and a half later as they had to return to Muskegon. A few hours later, my sister Mary arrived. She had been playing golf with her son, something they do every Wednesday. I was going to be staying at Mary's house, so we left shortly after she arrived to have dinner. I told Mom I'd be back in the morning to spend the day with her.

When I arrived back at Mom's the following morning, she was still in the dining area of the facility. She introduced me to the other people at her table—90 year old George, Jack (who was also in his nineties) and then to Doris—who is 107! All three of them were quite talkative and all remembered my name the next time I saw them. I spent the day with mom and then about 4pm, we went up to Mary's for dinner. Her son (my nephew Rich), his wife Jen and their two kids Emma (12 years old) and Nicholas (9 years old) all joined us. During our visit, I asked Emma if she remembered Dennis, as it had been 3 years since he and I had seen them. She said, "I remember a very tall man, but that's about it."

I said, "You have a good memory. That's who we're talking about." Nick only had a vague memory of him.

Rich then went on to relate a memory of Dennis. He said, "The thing I remember most about Dennis is one time when you were visiting Grandma and Grandpa at their house on Keystone Road, he and I went for a walk on their property down to the river at the back of the yard. I don't remember exactly how old I was but I was probably about 9 or 10. We were looking for different pieces of driftwood. He was very patient and such a good teacher. He told me I had a good eye when I picked up a piece and he said, 'This looks like a bird.' "

After telling that story, I asked him to write down that memory in my book, which he did, adding that he always loved hanging around with him when we were visiting. He also said "thanks for being such a great guy and for taking care of my uncle."

Jen also signed the book, relating that when she and Rich were planning their wedding and their future together, they looked for other couples to use as examples of marriage. They kept coming back to Uncle Rick and Dennis. She wrote, "You both showed such great love for each other and your enduring commitment was inspiring. Your example showed us what it meant to be a couple and to be a team. Thank you both so much for showing the world unconditional love."

Mary also signed the book, relating, "Dennis, I don't make a lot of homemade pies any more, but when I do, it's always with your pie crust recipe!" She went on to say, "I remember when we had the family reunion at my mobile home in Grand Rapids. One of the nights you were there you asked if you could 'mess around' in my kitchen. I'll never forget the amazing meal you 'threw' together with ingredients I didn't even know I had. I'll always be thankful to you for giving my brother the amazing love that I wanted for him. You are the other half of him and always will be. You took a little piece of my heart with you into your peaceful place. Love you bunches."

After reading these entries, I'm very glad I took the time to drive the 500-mile round trip to see my family. It was the first opportunity I had to grieve with my family and I can feel the difference in myself already.

I headed back to Sandie's on Friday morning, arriving early afternoon. She and I went to look for wrapping paper for the wedding gifts we each had purchased earlier in the week. After making our purchases, including cards, we drove back to her house and wrapped the gifts. The wedding was to take place the next day.

Jeff and Stephanie's wedding took place at the Dearborn Inn, a luxury hotel that specializes in hosting wedding parties. Upon arrival, Jeff and his family were in the ornate lobby of the hotel. Jeff gave me a big hug and told me how much he appreciated that I had come and expressed his condolences of his Uncle Denny's passing. It was an outdoor wedding and unfortunately for the guests, a heat wave had begun in Detroit. It was 91 degrees, but the ceremony was pretty short so we didn't suffer too much in the sweltering sun. The area where hors d'oeuvres were served was sheltered by shade while the wedding photos were being taken.

Me with Jeff and his brothers John & James

The wedding reception was held inside, cooled by air conditioning. There were 16 round tables set up for about 135 guests with the dance floor in the middle and the wedding party at the head of the room. I was at a table right next to the wedding party, sitting with John & Eileen (Jeff's parents), Sandie & Ray, the Vaccarellis and John's sister, Ruth. The entire evening was a blast. The food was superb; we each had been given champagne so we'd be able to toast the happy couple. Dancing was held after all the food had been served.

Eileen hosted a brunch the next day, and my brother John was able to attend, driving down from Oxford MI (about 30 miles to the north of where we were). The entire week was very beneficial to my mental health and I'm so very glad that I was able to attend.

My brother John and I