The Healy Family honors Dennis

I just got back yesterday from an absolutely wonderful nine days in Michigan, visiting with the Healys and with my own family as well. I arrived in Detroit on Saturday July 9th—and it was the fastest flight I've ever had getting into Detroit. When the flight attendant announced at the beginning of the flight that the flying time would be 3 hours and 35 minutes, I said, "No way." But guess what? She was correct! We got in an hour early so I arrived at Sandie and Ray's house at 5pm instead of my anticipated 6pm arrival. From the moment I arrived, I was once again treated as if I was a Healy, which always makes me feel so special. I love every one of them.

On Sunday, Sandie had about twenty people in for a memorial for Dennis. The big event of the day was planting the French lilac bush. It will eventually grow to eight feet tall and eight feet wide, so having a living memorial in honor of Dennis was very touching. Sandie's husband Ray introduced his sister Gaile, who then related tales of Dennis when he was in elementary school. The way I remember it, she was a teacher but I was told later that she was actually a volunteer at the arts and crafts class that Dennis attended. She'd meet him at the corner from his house and walk with him to the school. By the time she was done telling her story, I was already an emotional wreck—and then she introduced me. After taking a few deep breaths, I showed everyone a copy of the laminated memorial cards that I had had printed for his Celebration of Life Party that I held in January, and told them there was a stack of them inside and please take one as their personal memento of the day. I then showed them my memory book and related the tale of how I had searched for an entire week trying to find the appropriate book for people to write their memories of Dennis. I was in a Walgreen's store that I'm never in and while walking down the aisle the book practically shouted at me. I stopped and looked to my right and saw I was in the aisle that contained stationery. On the top shelf, I could see just about a 2 inch square of the corner of a book. The purple color jumped out at me; I had to stand on the bottom shelf to reach it but as soon as I pulled the book from the shelf, I knew it was what I had been looking for—a book with a predominantly purple background with a pattern on it. Purple was Dennis's "color" and I figured he had led me to it. Many people that were in attendance that day wrote their memories of Dennis, adding to the many entries already contained within it. I read them all when I returned home to San Francisco and of course many of the entries brought tears to my eyes.

I then told everyone about my attending a grief group. I related, "At the last session, we had been told to bring photos and a memento and we were each to relate our tale based on what we brought. I created a two-photo page—at the top was a photo of us from our honeymoon and at the bottom a photo of us when we had been at Sandie's last September as we celebrated our 30th anniversary. My memento was the Santa Claus candle that we had bought during our first Christmas together. Diana had brought photos and the memorial booklet that her partner Pamela had designed before she died. At the back of the book was a poem written by Henry Scott Holland, an Oxford Professor of Divinity. I have never been a fan of poetry, but when I read the poem, I felt Dennis was speaking to me, and here's what he said." I then went on to read the poem I have posted in a previous post on this blog. It was very emotional for me, but Gaile was standing next to me, and every time I got choked up (which was like the entire poem), she would squeeze my shoulder to encourage me to continue. By the time I finished reading the poem, there were few dry eyes on the patio.

Sandie's husband Ray was the next to speak. He stated, "For those of you who don't know, I want to thank Rick for the way he cared for Dennis. His love and care-giving were on full display when they visited us last September, and we are all extremely grateful for him and the way he took care of Dennis. He made sure Dennis took his meds, helped him with his walking and was always right there should something unforeseen happen. Thank you, Rick."

By the time he finished talking, I had tears running down my face. I then went around the patio and hugged everyone in attendance, thanking them for attending this very special memorial.

Dennis's nephew John, Erika's boyfriend Nick, Ray and his brother Kenny then planted the lilac bush. I didn't know it at the time, but later that week, John and Cindy Vaccarelli (dear friends of just about all the Healys, but especially of Sandie and Ray) presented me with an engraved rock to place under the bush. It reads: DENNIS - A new shining star, with a star engraved on the rock as well. Sandie, Ray, Dennis's nephew Scott and his partner Chuck, and I had a separate ceremony the following Sunday as we placed the rock next to the bush.

Both ceremonies will remain in my memories forever.