Even after more than seven months of grieving, Fridays are still very difficult for me to get through. Without fail, as 7:45pm approaches, I start having flashbacks of Dennis's passing. Last Christmas Eve was a Friday and each and every Friday since then, I relive that fateful night. I don't break down completely (like I used to do) but I still get teary and my thoughts linger on those last moments of his life. I still picture him in his recliner, staring into space, waiting for me to approach him, holding his hand, telling him I love him and then watching his body relax as his spirit went on its way. I don't know if I will ever have those images leave my psyche. I suppose it's possible that I don't want them to leave. Even though I've been feeling a lot better mentally since my return from Michigan, when I had the opportunity to grieve with family members, I can't shake these "Friday night blues."
What should I do? That is the question—I currently don't have the answer. I still can't have even five minutes pass without thinking about him. I guess that's pretty normal; after all, we were together for a bit more than 30 years. I have 30 years of memories swirling around in my head. Those memories are what maintains me from going completely crazy. But it's still very difficult remembering them all, when I'm still stuck in that last week of his life. I loved him so much—still do. The passing of time will most likely take care of this "problem" but in the meantime...what next?
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