My inner spirit has returned

Even though I've seen the healing and felt the progress I've made over the past 17 months since Dennis died, it wasn't until recently that I've started feeling "whole" again. And I attribute my new found feelings to Daniel, my 20-year old massage friend that I wrote about a couple articles ago. Now that we've seen each other a few times, I've come to realize that he is a cosmic present from Dennis, who didn't like seeing me in my depressed state. It makes perfect sense to me. I don't know if anyone who reads this will agree with me, but you know what? I don't really give a shit what other people think. All I know is I've felt better in the past month than I have at any time since Dennis died. Daniel really makes my spirit soar. And the more we see each other, the more we each realize that it's more than a "massage/client" relationship that is forming. We like each other and are becoming friends. When he was over the other night, we sat and talked for the first 30 minutes he was here, talking about all kinds of things. I even told him how I was feeling and that he was the reason I was feeling so great. I told him my theory of a "gift from Dennis" and he thought it was pretty neat that I felt that way. He reached over and patted my hand and said, "I'm very glad I make you feel this way, Rick. Thanks for telling me that; it makes me feel special."

Once I realized how much time had elapsed, I said, "Hey Daniel, if we don't shut up, we'll never get the massage in. You about ready?"

He replied with a big smile and said, "Yeah, Rick. Let's do it."

I offered him the use of the bathroom before we went into the bedroom. I was surprised when he came out, because he was already naked. I said, "Oh wow, you're naked already."

He replied, "I'm sorry Rick."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Daniel. I just wasn't expecting you to be naked when you came out of the bathroom. We've been getting undressed in the bedroom previously. It's no big deal to me; it's not like I've never seen you naked before," I stated, with a little grin on my face.

Once he started the massage, I noticed he was doing more techniques than he had previously and I told him that I noticed and complimented him on his advancement in his massage work. Not only was the massage more therapeutic than before, he keeps surprising me with little things. I could tell the massage was over because he had taken my right hand and I suddenly felt a warm tongue and mouth sucking my fingers. It was very erotic and unexpected. I looked up at him and said, "You keep surprising me. That was real nice. I also have a confession to make, Daniel."

"What's that, Rick?"

"Remember last time you were here? After the massage, I couldn't resist and just started licking your ass with my tongue. That was the first time I've ever rimmed anyone, but I just couldn't help myself. Your ass looked so inviting, I just dove right in. I got the feeling though that you didn't mind."

"Not at all, Rick. Considering it was your first time, you did a great job."

Breaking into a big grin, I said, "Well I'm glad you liked it, because I'm ready to dive back in."

And that's what I did. I'm also a very polite sex partner, as I asked him if it was okay if I fucked him again, and he was readily agreeable to that too. Needless to say, my encounters with Daniel are starting to move to another level. I have no plans of starting a "relationship" with him, but we both are enjoying each other in many ways. He was heading to Yosemite for the long weekend with friends, but we agreed to get together for brunch in the near future. He also wants to go to a Giants game, so we will do that too.

I am fully convinced that Daniel's entrance into my life is meant to be. At the moment, I definitely feel that he's too young for me to seriously consider having a relationship with, but I'm definitely pursuing this friendship for all it's worth. And enjoying every minute of it.

Making dinner is depressing

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you will know that Dennis taught me as much as he could about kitchen issues during his last five weeks of life, as he was worried that I wouldn't be able to feed myself in the manner in which I had become accustomed (he was a wonderful chef). While I have honored him by making my dinner each night since his passing, it is becoming more and more depressing as time moves forward because I'm only doing it for myself. Last night was the latest example. I'm just so tired of only cooking for myself. Those last five weeks he was alive, I was learning and I was doing it for the two of us, because he could no longer do things for himself, I was able to keep us reasonably fed during that time period. And having the "shoe on the other foot" made it more so, as he had always been the one who prepared dinner during our entire life together.

Part of the problem is the fact that by the time I get home from a day of work, I'm usually pretty tired and then I have to go through the process of figuring out what to fix for dinner. I will admit, I don't do everything from scratch any more. I use a lot of prepared pasta (ravioli, tortellini, etc.) that only requires me boiling water and adding a sauce. But I don't feel guilty about it because we used to use these same items when Dennis was alive; I'm just using them more than he did. At most, when he was the chef, we'd only use them once a week. I find myself doing it three or more times a week. I still make my enchiladas by hand (using pre-made tortillas), grating the cheese, chopping Italian parsley, making the roue into a great sauce and so forth, but I'm not doing them as much as I used to do.

So what's the solution to the depressing part of preparing dinner? I could invite more people to dinner, but I don't want to have to cook for more than one during the week, so it still leaves five of the seven days fending for myself. Just another one of those "Catch-22" situations that have cropped up since his death.

Where did he come from?

A couple weeks ago I received a message that was offering massage services for a very reasonable price. I took a chance and booked the guy. I previously wrote about this under a different article and it mentioned that the person who was going to give the massage was a no show and I was pissed, and wrote that he wouldn't get a second chance. I received a very heartfelt apology from him so I did give him another chance—and was that ever the right choice! Daniel is a 20-year old Latino-American, six feet tall (and I've always liked them tall) and about 165 pounds. And did I mention he's as cute as the proverbial button? Well he is...trust me. When he arrived we sat in the living room for a while chatting to get to know each other a bit before the massage started. He told me about his training (limited) but he is going to school, so I wasn't too worried about it. He suggested I take a shower to "warm the body up" before the massage, so I was receptive to that and hopped in for a quick one. When I got out, he was still in the living room, but in just his underwear. What a gorgeous body! We retired to the bedroom, we both got naked and I laid down, face-down. For someone so young, he actually gave a pretty nice massage. When he was done with my back, he asked me to flip over. That's when the surprise started.

Instead of continuing the massage, he wanted to "play" and I was not going to stop him from doing so. Wow! I have never had sex with a 20-year old before, even when I was in my twenties! Talk about fun. Whew! We played safely (of course) as we explored each other's bodies and came to the ultimate conclusion. And then, to endear himself to me even more, he suggested we take a shower together. Not only does he give a pretty good massage, he is an absolute sweetheart of a man. You could easily say I was "smitten" with him.

A week after the initial massage, and the night before my birthday, I decided I'd give myself another treat and texted him to see if he was available that night. He was and I booked another massage, knowing more than a massage would be forthcoming. Learning from the first experience, I had taken my shower just before he arrived, so my body was already warmed up. After chatting for a bit, we once again retired to the bedroom for the massage. Before we started, he said, "It's okay to touch while I'm massage you, Rick." So touch I did, fondling him throughout the massage. At one point (feeling confident of the answer), I said, "I'd like to fuck you, Daniel." He said, "I'd like that, Rick."

All I can say is: a grand time was had by both of us. I'm usually not someone that rims, but his ass looked so delicious, I dove right in and got him hot and bothered with my tongue, before I did what I said I'd do. What a tight ass! I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment, but having fun with Daniel is definitely on the agenda.