I've noticed that my readership has dwindled, and I must admit that I have not been writing as much as I used to when I first started this blog. Its main use was therapeutic in nature, and if you've read this far, I'm sure you realize that was due to the death of my partner, Dennis. Now that more than one year has passed, and I'm beginning to feel more "like myself" (whatever that is) I find that I'm writing less. Though I really think it has to do with the fact that I am on jury duty for a trial expected to last five months. I'm in court Monday through Thursday, 9:30am to 4:30pm, and it's exhausting. I can't say anymore about the trial, except I guess I could say it is very interesting to see the US court system in all its glory.
Acknowledging that I'm not writing as much may be a good thing—it may entice me to start writing more again. I'm still lonely, as I miss the daily companionship of that "special person" and still don't know what do to about it. I did mention my "encounter" in a couple articles ago, but that hasn't been repeated (though no fault can be put at any one's feet, mine included), the opportunity just hasn't presented itself to me again. No strings attached fuck buddies can be a pleasant diversion, but that does not replace the love one experiences in a true relationship like Dennis and I had throughout the years. But at the same time, I am not looking for another partner either. I need balance in my life and it just hasn't been like that lately. I do blame the trial to an extent because I cannot plan to do anything more than a 3-day weekend and that has to be when there's a Monday holiday involved. My life is pretty much on hold for the near foreseeable future. So while the title of this article refers to the emptiness of the blog lately, it also can describe my life currently.
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