Falling off the deep end

Do you remember the movie The Sixth Sense, starring Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment? The premise being that the kid's (Haley) "talent" was that he "sees dead people." Of course, by the end of the movie, we realize Bruce is dead. While I don't "see" dead people, I do talk to a dead person—all the time. Is this normal activity for a grieving person? It seems normal to me but at the same time it also seems kind of bizarre. He never talks back, so it's a pretty one-way conversation. When you've talked to someone every day for more than 30 years, it seems like an everyday activity. It's just difficult to realize that he will never answer me again, at least in the terms of what we here on planet Earth call "talking to each other." Have I now reached the point where I've fallen into the deep end of the pool and my life preserver is nowhere to be found? Or is my floatation device behind me and I just don't see it?

I've mentined before that I listen to the blues channel a lot now, as it makes it seem like he's in the next room. My computer is at the front of the house; the music is at the back of the house in the living room. I crank up the volume so I can hear it while I'm typing. This Friday, June 24th, will be the six month anniversary of his death—right down to the day of the week. Doesn't seem possible, yet it seems like only yesterday, all at the same time. The last week he was physically here is a continuous loop going through my brain. I can't find the off button. I miss him so much. I am learning to live with it, but I don't like it one damn bit. But then, I guess I'm not supposed to like it, am I? I did wish him a "Happy Father's Day" when I got up this morning, along with my Dad. Maybe Dennis, his dad and my dad are all hanging out together today—that would be cool. Dennis is probably making a quiche for their brunch. LOL